Back Again

So once again I’m back to this blog. Yeah at the moment I have a love hate relationship with life going on. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to post as often as I want to. I suspect I might but I make no commitments I won’t be able to keep. I do have a lot of things to write about though. One of them may be the most convoluted and confusing story ever…I’m not sure how much I’ll write about it but knowing me I will write about it. For right now though, I’m back.

I get the feeling this blog is gonna help me a lot more than I ever thought it would in the next few months. I’ve agreed to take on a writing project that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to enjoy. Especially if the outcomes I fear happens. Basically my future mother in law has had some recent health scares and even though she is closely being monitored… she’s talking as if she’s not going to be around for much longer. She’s asked me to write her biography for her. My relationship with her has always been hot and cold… while it sucks I can kind of understand it. She’s very much old fashioned and very opinionated. I am rather open minded and full of strange ideas… I’m also a lot younger than her son and she fears that I’m going to hurt him one day because in her mind, due to my age I can’t be 100% sure that this is the life I want. Despite our moments we have a decent relationship…so on one hand I am honored she asked and on the other I’m scared to death that she asked.

For years I’ve always had this recurring nightmare that I write a decent story…one that does get published only in the midst of me writing/editing/re-writing it, my boyfriend gets pretty badly sick and manages to hide it fairly well from me until he ends up in the hospital and I find out he’s dying. He lives long enough to see the book published and gets to read the first printing but dies shortly after. I’ve woken up so many times in a state of fear and had to reach over and hug him and touch him to convince myself it was a dream. Now this happens with my mother in law and a part of me wonders “what if the dream really wasn’t about Boyfriend but about Mother in Law?”

We’ll see how this goes folks. I hope it turns out for the best and she lives for many more years.

Catching Up Eh?

So…I missed an entire month. Yeah kinda figured that would happen. Well let’s see what I can catch ya’ll up on. Work…lovely wonderful work how I love and hate thee. I sorely miss having my days off together. The two months were fun… Life….life has been kinda awesome. Hulk (boyfriend) and his best friend Wolf have been teaching me some martial arts stuff. Since my body is a wee bit eff’d up (thank you lovely thrice rolled ankle)…hand to hand combat has been slow in the teaching. They did decide to teach me ranged combat. Between the three of us, we have 2 shurikens and about 3 knives. They’ve been teaching me to throw all 5 items. I’m also looking into buying my own set of shurikens/throwing knives. Also I’ve made a new friend..who ironically breaks my one rule. See when it comes to guys….I’ve never been able to get along very well with guys around my own age..I’d say 5 years younger than me and 5 years older than me…I really don’t get along with them too well..at least not in real. Over the internet….not a problem..two of my closest internet guy friends are my age. In real life..they annoy the ever loving fuck out of me. Except Pizza Guy…I thought he was older than me until I friended him on Facebook..surprisingly he’s 2 years younger than me…and I get along fabulously with him. Utterly fucking amazing in my book.

OH!OH!!Damn I think I’m going to end up making three posts in a row! Fucking hell..I got my new Sonata Arctica CD…Stones Grow Her Name. It’s amazingness deserves an entire post unto itself. Speaking of music..they’re playing a “new summer soundtrack” CD at work..basically maybe 25 songs on endless loop for 24 hours a day 7 days a week.. Whoooooo! A lot of the songs on this CD are songs I grew up listening to…Spin Doctors, Bare Naked Ladies, and so on…wonderful songs…until they threw Justin Bieber and the call me maybe chick on there. Gah. I have nothing against Bieber or the Call Me Maybe chick..I don’t really like their music..then again I’m not a tween or a young teenager..those years are sadly behind me so their music doesn’t really appeal to me. The Call Me Maybe song is fucking annoying though. I swear to god..you hear it once and it stays in your fucking head forever.

Anyways…I was on youtube looking up some videos of the songs I had heard the other day..started out with the Spin Doctors (Two Princes and Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong) went onto Beck (Loser) Beastie Boys (Sabotage, Brass Monkey, Paul Revere) The B-52’s (Love Shack!) Fastball (The Way) and then kinda followed the links on the side..ended up listening to Panic! At The Disco (I Write Sins Not Tradgedies, The Ballad of Mona, Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off) The Killers (Mr. Brightside, Somebody Told Me) Fallout Boy (Dance Dance and We’re Going Down) My Chemical Romance (Helena) Lit (My Own Worst Enemy) Greenday (21 Guns, Boulevard of Broken Dreams) Bowling for Soup (1985) Fountains of Wayne (Stacey’s Mom) and finally ended up finishing with Linkin Park (The End, Pts. Of Authority and Faint). All good bands, all good songs. It was amusing to me how one band led to so many other bands that were sort of in the same genre but not really. I had fun though…a lot of those songs brought back memories from my childhood and my teenage years.

So that’s pretty much been my month so far! Sorry I stayed away for so long!

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee!

So my last post was pretty much a rant. I wasn’t feeling good and just knowing that somebody complained about something so…asinine….just made my night worse. Anyway…here we are 12 days later and I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!! Oh my god dudes. I did not realize how well my nose WASN’T working until I went to work the other day and could actually smell the flowers we have in front. Egads….they smelled so good. I though I could smell fine before..psh. My ability to smell before was like..3% compared to now. In addition to being able to breath and smell..I can also taste things properly and hear things! w00t!!

Apparently my sinus infection also got into my ears..both ears and it was starting to affect my hearing. I don’t need the TV up so loud anymore..I actually understand why my boyfriend jokingly calls me “Clark Kent” when I type… (I type fast..and to type one sentence sounds like I’ve only hit 3 keys..). I didn’t realize how much of the world I was missing out on until I regained my senses. Ironically…I put off going to the doctor because although I knew something was wrong with me..I was trying too hard to be like my mother….and I’m not her. I’m me. Getting sick and then going through the process of getting better…most people wouldn’t consider a sinus infection a life changing event..but for me it was. It made me realize that although I am my mother’s daughter….I’m not her. I don’t have her hardy constitution..although I do have a pretty good one….and while I do have her work ethic, as much as I loathed having to call out, I realize now that in order for a body to heal..it needs to rest, and that working a crazy schedule like I do (i don’t have a set schedule yet..I’m a the mercy of the scheduling manager) is detrimental to my health. So there are a few steps I need to take to get my life on track. Happily I know when to listen to the signs given to me..for as stubborn as I am.

I Am Not A Robot!!

Look I work in retail..I get that I have to greet customers politely, make small talk with them..generally do the whole “Polite but distantly so” routine. I get that and 9 times out of 10…I AM THAT PERSON. Heck give me the right customer and I will talk your ear off! I love to talk to people, I love learning new things, I love discussing things. Hell I love it when my older customers take a moment and tell me a story from their life. It makes the day interesting and I get to know a person a little bit. I have regulars who will wait in my line because I’m always all smiles and always, ALWAYS have something to say.

The one day I don’t have anything to say though, it’s not because I’ve decided to suddenly become rude, or am willingly ignoring you. It might just be because I’m sick and my throat is sore and scratchy and my voice is coming and going. Yanno that thick nasally accent you’re hearing me with…thank you sinus infection! I’m not a robot..I’m human and prone to getting sick. Getting sick means I’m not always 100% on top of my game..which means that I might not have been able to greet you, ask you how you were, and tell you to have a nice day as I handed you your receipt….not because I’m rude or don’t like you..but because my throat is giving me that “Shut up now or you won’t be talking for another week’ signal..which means I have to stay quiet. I love my customers..I really do, these past few days when I’ve been able to actually show up at work, I’ve had more than one customer ask me if I was ok…which in all honesty means a lot to me. I’m not used to people taking notice of me.

So for all of the appreciative people out there..Thank you for taking a second to look at your cashier, customer service desk rep, aisle worker or manager and actually see a human being instead of a robot. For all of the people out there that simply see a cashier, or retail worker…or somebody doing a job you consider beneath you or in a “servant” sort of position..take a moment to imagine yourself in their shoes dealing with somebody like you…and if you wouldn’t want to deal with you…why make them?

Random Ramblings

Update~So those allergies I mentioned about a week ago? Yeah..lovely, something easy to get over UNLESS IT FREAKING TURNS INTO A SINUS INFECTION. Or what the docs call “Acute Sinusitis”  Urgh. My entire head hurts, my throat hurts, my cheeks hurt, my eyes hurt, my ears hurt…and I’m only on day 4 of the 10 day antibiotics. YAY! Anyways….to the bulk of the post!

As it’s titled..random ramblings….so here are a few random rambles from a story I’m working on.

“I feel like I’m going crazy Sean. I keep having that damned dream and I swear to god I’m losing days. I just…I…” She could feel the tears building up and threatening to spill down her cheeks. In an effort to avoid this she bit her lips and swallowed repeatedly to try and get the lump out of her throat.      “I…I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not real. Half the time I wake up scared out of my mind only to find out I’m still asleep. I know things without knowing how in the hell I know them. Like tonight. I knew you were looking for me. I knew exactly what you were thinking when you found me and I don’t know how I know this. I’m afraid to tell James..and you….” She was openly crying now, the tears streaming down her face and her voice thickening with anguish. ” I’m not even one hundred percent sure that I’m awake now. I feel like I’m nothing but a bother. I know that I have you and James, but I feel so fucking alone.” That last bit came out as a harsh whisper as she gave in to the crying.”

“Shaking her head she continued. “I don’t fully apply myself because I’m afraid of becoming addicted to the power. Of becoming so enslaved by the power that I end up abusing it…knowingly abusing it but swearing up and down I’m doing it for a good reason. I trust you James and I trust you Sean. The person I don’t trust is myself. So there…now you both know why I purposely keep myself distant and why I purposely screw things up. I know I’m powerful. I’m not sure of how powerful I am but if the great lengths people go to protect me is any indication..” she trailed off looking at the both of them, a faint blush covering her face. It was a blush of shame…she was ashamed that she lacked the control required to keep herself from becoming addicted to power. ”

Hahaha….and now one of my most favorite scenes ever. Ironically when I wrote this scene..I was going for somebody who was crazy…but wouldn’t exactly show it on the outside. It’s been my goal in writing to write a Jokeresque character..and I do believe I finally achieved that with this scene and character.

” Dan shook his head as much as he could and attempted to speak. The man pinning him to the wall wagged his finger in front of Jordan’s face.  ” Ah, ah don’t try to speak. You’ll only strain your vocal cords and we don’t want that now do we?…..”Not that I had much faith in you in the first place…a man could dream though. Glad I don’t put much stock in dreams.”………. “What’s the saying you mortals use? Something about strikes?” puzzled Dan looked at him. ‘Three strikes and you’re out?” he said. “Ah..that’s the one. Thank you.” said the man, an evil grin appearing on his face as a baseball bat appeared in his hands. “NO! Don’t do this M-” Unfortunately Dan’s last plea was cut short as the bat connected with his head with a rather sickening crack. A gleeful sort of maniacal laughter could be heard above several more resounding cracks. ……………..A few minutes later, the baseball bat was carelessly dropped as the nameless man pulled a clean handkerchief  from his pocket and began to calmly clean the blood off of his hands. Turning to his body-guard, he wiped blood off of his face and dabbed at the blood spatter on shirt………”Oh and Mark…do have somebody come in here and clean up. It would appear that someone has made a mess of my office. See to it that all the blood is gone yes?” “

Ugh…Allergies

-gasp- -wheeze- -cough- -sniffle- -gasp-

Gah I hate allergies. All my life the only allergy I knew of for sure was gold. Yes folks I am allergic to gold…real gold too. 10k, 12k, 14k, 16k, 18k, 22k, 24k….the more pure the gold, the more I itch and break out wherever the gold touched. Finding out that I was allergic to gold was an interesting Christmas. My dad for once got my sister and I really nice gifts..I think we were 11 and 12 (she’s 13 months younger then I am) and he got us both a gold necklace with our respective birthstones on them. I wore mine immediately after opening it. An hour later I felt a little itchy but brushed it off as having touched the Christmas tree too much. 6 hours later when we were having Christmas dinner at my grandparents, my grandmother pulled me aside and was like “Darling…why is the area around your neck red? Are you ok?” Cue my telling her I was itchy and her telling my dad..it took us an additional half an hour to figure out it was the necklace. He replaced it with silver though so that was a happy ending.

Moving to Michigan though…BAH. As much as I love this place..I could stand to not be here in the spring and fall. Everything coming into bloom makes me go from being able to breathe…to barely being able to breathe through my nose, itchy watery eyes, general miserableness. Like right now. My nose is so stuffed up I can’t blow it…and it’s draining slowly. I wanna cut it off right now..but wise friends have pointed out that, that might not be a good idea. So I shall suffer through it. Allergy medicine knocks me the eff out..which is good for before I go to sleep..not so good for when I have to work. Come to think of it…a lot of meds knock me the eff out..even the non-drowsy stuff..so getting sick sucks. Gah…-sniffles- stupid allergies.

Musically Inclined…Again

I really need to make this page my homepage or something..that and work needs to figure out what the heck it’s doing. I’m par for course it seems..one post a month xD. In all seriousness music. I know my last post was about music and this one is too, however the last post was nostalgia based. This one is about something more near and dear to my heart. My utmost favorite band ever. Sonata Arctica. They’re not American, they’re not really mainstream, and they sure as hell aren’t something you’d immediately associate with a nerdy/geeky bookworm like me. So what or who are they? They’re a Finish power metal band. And they fucking rock.

I was introduced to them….7..8..10 years ago? I forget how long ago it was but one song and I was hooked. The very first song I ever heard by  them was The Misery. Despite the title..it’s not a misery filled song. It’s very…sorrowful yet powerful. One verse has always resonated with me.. “I am the play-write  and you are my Crown make me cry for your love like you’ve done many times so I know I can’t write these story lines without you lady pain make me strong can’t we be together without them forever…”  Even though it’s probably not what the song is about…this verse has always stuck with me because being somebody who enjoys writing…it’s freaking difficult to get a line out if the muse isn’t cooperating. It reminds me in frustrating times that I need to be patient and let things come as they will instead of trying to force them to come. What’s interesting to note about Sonata Arcitca is that they have a story going through their songs on their albums. I’m still not sure if it was intentional..but it’s called the Stalker Saga or Caleb’s Saga and it’s awesome.

The first song in Caleb’s Saga to appear was The End of This Chapter on their 2001 album “Silence”. The second song to appear was Don’t Say A  Word on their 2004 “Reckoning Night” album, followed by Caleb on their 2007 “Unia” album and finishing up with Juliet on their 2009 “Days of Grays” album.

Now the order that the story actually goes in is  1. Caleb 2. Don’t Say A Word 3. The End of This Chapter and 4. Juliet.  

It tells the story of a little boy who was born, hated by his father, protected by his mother and eventually turned out to be like his father…he ends up stalking/falling in love with this girl and Don’t Say A Word is pretty much his psychosis showing…he’s remembering a lesson his mother taught him, The End of This Chapter is him confronting the girl..possibly having kidnapped her and Juliet is him thinking he’s killed her but turns out she’s killed him instead..and he tells her that all he wanted was to love her and be loved by her. It’s a sad but beautiful story and the vocals as well as musical instrumentals are amazing.

Sonata Arctica also has an unofficial second saga which I call their Wolf Saga. That one is 4 songs long and the first song of it to appear is Full Moon from their 1999 album “Ecliptica”then Wolf and Raven from their 2001 album ‘Silence” followed by The Cage from 2003’s “Winterheart’s Guild”and finally Ain’t Your Fairytale from 2004’s “Reckoning Night”. That saga actually plays in the order I just listed. It’s amazing to listen to and tells a wonderful werewolf story.

Happily, Sonata Arctica has a new album coming out May 22 for North America called ‘Stones Grow Her Name”. They released one single already it’s called I Have a Right and if you’ve read this far..I high recommend it!

Musical Times Indeed

I’m a 90’s kid. I was born in 1988 and grew up in the 90’s. I remember my mother playing all sort of music as the house was cleaned. Judas Priest, The Spin Doctors, The B 52’s, Third Eye Blind, Blind Melon, the list goes on. I also remember bands that were just coming around like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, boy bands like *NSYNC and the Backstreetboys, punk-ish bands like Blink 182, Sum 41, and my god I can even remember when Eminem first started out… and now here I am 24 years old and listening to all of these songs again and I’m laughing my ass off.

I can remember thinking that Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit was a hardcore looking mother fucker. I can also remember thinking that Limp Bizkit was an awesome band. However I’m listening to My Way by Limp Bizkit and watching the video..and all I can think of is ‘Man..this is kind of a wimpy song for them…” I’ve found myself going back and listening to a lot of music..some music like above I find to be wimpy for the band…other music I find myself going ‘Holy Crap! I get it now!” and other songs I listen to and I’m like “Wow..how in the hell did my sister and I get away with listening to this?” Then again…my mother did introduce us to Green Day via their first CD Dookie..so maybe some songs I can understand.

I used to swear up and down that I would never listen to “Ghetto Rap” like Lil Jon, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and stuff like that but as I get older..I find myself drawn to the beats in those songs.  Music for me has evolved from something to listen to simply because I liked the lyrics to something to listen to because I love the beat and can identify with it. I don’t know how to explain it…when I’m writing I tend to find that the beat of the music sets my scene. I love music….all sorts of music.

Long Time No Write Eh?

I had this really nice post all set up but I kind of forget the direction I was going in with it so I scrapped it. As you can see it’s been 2 months since I’ve had any activity. Let’s just say life decided to come knocking at my door and while it didn’t deliver any doozies…it has been smacking the shit out of me.  Mostly it’s been using my job to smack me around but it’s also used my friends and family, not to mention the weather and fucking allergies.  Mostly my job though.

I was half tempted the other day to come here and redo my blog and call it something cute like “Dear Work, Letters To My Job, Dear Job, Dear Customer” something like that, but I decided not to because well… for as much entertainment and frustrations my job provides there’s more to my life than it. I have however finally decided on categories so I can write posts appropriately. So this is my comeback. I can’t promise that I’ll make a post every night but dammit I promise to write a lot more than once every few months.

Of Sock Buns and Hair…UPDATED

All my life I’ve had long hair. Well up until the age of 10 at least. When I was 10 my stepmother cut my nearly butt length hair down to chin length. I rocked the bob style for a few months until it grew out to shoulder length. For the past 14 years I’ve let my hair grow, never cutting it only trimming it. As a result..I have very long…LONG hair.I recently found out just how long it is. At the moment all of my hair is piled up on top of my head in a sock bun.

A sock bun is a hairstyle in which you use a sock to create a very nice looking bun. Think Princess Lea style buns. And yes  I did say on top  of my head. With all of my hair piled on top of my head…the very tips of it still come down to my ass. The top of my ass actually…but still. I’m 5’7”…which means that my hair is roughly 2.5 to 3 feet long. My hair is just about half my height. Anyways…I’ve got it up on top of my head wrapped around a sock because I’m attempting to curl my hair with the sock bun. Found the idea about a week ago on a forum board I’m part of and decided to try it. Since my hair resists all attempts of being brushed while wet…I decided to try it dry. I’ll update with results.

UPDATE!

Wow.  I didn’t get quite the curls I was expecting…but I did get massive volume from having all my hair piled on top of my head. Hm… I left it in for about 3 hours. I think maybe my hair wins this styling round. It’s simply too thick to be put into one bun so I’ll have to try 2 buns and leave it over night. Holy hell I never realized just how much hair I had until today.  Damn.